Okay heres another . I work in a pharmacy so one day I was asked to do a delivery for mr. Johnson. So I grabbed his prescriptions and headed down to his apartment. I knocked on his door and a 70-year old senior citizen answers the door ,¨ Mr.Johnson I say,¨ heres your prescriptions¨ Mr.Johnson replies , thanks sonny boy¨ he grabs the bag peeks in the bag and says,¨ hey young man wheres my Viagra prescription?,cant you people do anything right, Hows a guy like myself suppose to do for fun besides playing bingo and doing crosswords all day? So I say ,¨ Sorry about that Mr.Johnson , no hard feelings tonight¨ laugh track here . Some more one liners that I invented,¨ I had sex only once,and that¦s because I believed that old saying my parents use to tell me,¨ If you do it right the first time you don¦t have to come and do it over again.¨ Also I came up with some ideas for t-shirts, remember the hamburger helper commercial that had the little talking hand , well put him on a blank t-shirt and have the saying,¨ never bite the hand that¦s feed’s you¨ another idea is just to have this saying on a t-shirt,¨ Im anal retentive, in other words Im a perfect asshole!!!!. Heres some more old jokes that need work anyways here it goes, “ I’m going to write a book on famous people who use Viagra…It’s going to be a pop-up book!!!!. Ever hear about the girl with the big nose?.. her nose was so big, she was giving blowjob’s sideways. Hey whats the worst feeling a woman can have?... She’s about the have the best orgasm of her life and all of a sudden the batteries go dead. Heres one that I need to seriously rework hey some people like it,”
There once was this guy who was impotent. So he went to the doctor to fix his problem. The guy says to his doctor,” Doc ‘I’m ashamed of my impotency and I don’t want people seeing me taking Viagra pills.” Doctor replies,” Don’t worry about it , we’ve got Viagra pills that look like candy, no one will suspect a thing.”Just make sure no one sees you taking the them out of the prescription bottle.”The guy then says,” No problem I’ll just hide them in my fred flinstone pez dispenser.” So the guy goes home and puts the pills in his pez dispenser. Later that night he wants to make love to his wife so he takes a pill out of his pez dispenser and with the instant excitement forgets to put the dispenser back in his pockets and leaves the pez dispenser on the kitchen counter. The next morning his son josh is in the kitchen eating breakfast and notices the pez dispenser, and says,” cool a fred flintstone dispenser.. better take this with me to school.” So at school josh’s friends proudly shows his pez dispenser to his friends, afterwards they all ask if they can have some pez candy .. so josh gives one to each of his friends and to himself, 5 minutes later all of them have pointy pants, so one of joshs friends says ,” hey buddy what the hell,what kind of candy did you give us ?” Josh replies, I dunno, but I guess you could call it hard candy!!!!! I suck but I gave it my best But what do you expect I do have a sense of humor like screech lol. Hey did you know a sex toy company is coming out with a twisted version of play-doh?.. Its called play-dildoh. Hey heres a real put down you can use if people ever make fun of how you look,” hey my dog gets more compliments from men/women than you do! .. heres one last one , an elderly couple are at the museum , they come up to the statue of david, and the wife starts admiring it, saying how lovely and great it is.. well the husband starts getting jealous because his wife seems to be giving more attention and compliments to the statue than he has everhad had from his wife , so he says” So whats so great about the statue?.. whats it got that I don’t have?”.. the wife replies with a grin on her face,” For one thing hes always hard!!”.. also I don’t know if I thought of this before but heres another idea for tootsie rolls pop commercial, have someone sucking on a tootsie roll pop and then say,” theres a sucker born ever minute… on a toostsie roll pop. “if a priest commits a crime ,is it considered a white collar crime?”. If a person in a wheelchair does a comedy routine, is it still stand up?”. Okay I know I should keep my day job, but hey I tried my best to brighten your day okay now to the serious stuff.
Besides being a weird little man(im 5 10, 180 lbs) Im also a very flexible person who doesnt mind horseback riding, going to the aquarium/museum,the opera, staying at home watching a movie , playing chess or board games. hoping to meet someone who always keeps an open mind to whatever crazy idea that i come up with. i like doing a lot of things, as i believe everything new that i learn , will only make me a better person and less ignorant. i like working out ,chess, cooking,flying,reading,ufc,watching old tv shows etc. of course im always looking for new things to try, i love the knowledge and experience that comes with trying something new. hey maybe you can teach something new and i can teach you something new.
. Im a thoughtful person who always thinks of others before himself. If I was in a relationship and I was reading the Sunday paper and happened to stumble upon a coupon for my partners favorite make-up , I would cut it out attach it to a sticky note and write,¨ thought I would save you money babe¨ and put it in her purse.I guess I get satisfaction in helping others without getting anything in return. That feeling that you get from making someone happy , is worth more to me than money or any material goods.I also take pleasure in cheering people up, hey if my partner had a bad day or feeling under the weather, i would probably give her a nice massage and feed her fresh strawberries dipped in hot dark chocolate. Money and material possessions are fleeting but the lasting memory of helping or making someone feel better is forever. I think honesty is my best trait, being honest is so much easier, why go to the trouble of lying, when in the end it catches up with you. What ive just said is charming but means nothing if I cant put it to action. I rather do than talk, here’s an example for ya ladies: would you rather date a guy who can charm you too death but does not keep his words.. basically he’s all talk and no action or would you rather date a mime. Sure you’ll have communication problems in a relationship with a mime , but at least his actions speak louder than his words.( bad joke I know just trying to make a point). Anyone can talk but Few keep their words, I really hate people like that.
I’m also a type of person who likes to keep things fresh. I like to keep my partner on their tip toes. I like to keep them guessing on what I’m going to do next. One of the secrets to a good relationship is not to let it get stale. Many couples fall into a routine,doing the same thing’s over and over again. It’s like at the beginning the guy does everything he can to get the girl but once he gets her, he get’s uncreative and does the same thing over and over again. Hey relationships and life are about variety. Personally I’m not the guy that would follow the standard procedure aka where the guy gets a girl flowers and chocolates. Personally I would come up with a more creative idea such as mystery grab bag, which is a hallmark gift bag filled with such goodies such a chocolates,a lottery ticket,a pez dispenser,make up kit,a good book etc. Yeah I like to separate myself from the herd , don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with giving a girl flowers and chocolates, but to me it sounds redundant and over used.
Anyways I have a dog named aries a sheltie mix and 6 zebra finches (birds). Going to school to become a nutritionist , I love food and cooking(if only I had enough time to devote to it) but my major career goal is in aviation . I love flying and traveling all around the world, my mom tells me when I was baby and we were on a plane the only thing that came out of my mouth was ,¨ I want fly the plane) this was of course in Portuguese as I came to states when I was 3. I think this travelling fetish probably had to do with going to portugal every year as a kid.. My parents have a house there and every summer we would go there. My parents have tons of property there that they take care of( like picking grapes,almonds oranges, and getting the soil properly fertilized ect.) So i would help them and i made friends with other Portuguese and other kids who came from other parts of europe(france,germany,switzerland,spain,netherlands)so somehow i became fixated with travelling.
Anyways hoping to meet someone where we cant start out as buddies as I believe when you date someone expectations are high, you put to much pressure on date. I believe getting to know someone over a long period time (as friends) can tell if your right for each other. Hey when you go on date you or you date may have had a bad day and that may leave an undesirable impression. Anyways sorry im not good at this writing thing but if your interested feel free to write back. Oh yeah one more thing heres my list of favorite movies,tv shows, board games ,video games and other gibberish.
Favorite movies: platoon, sniper, napoleon dynamite,clerks(1 and 2),breakfast club,fast times at ridgemonte high, Harold and kumar, bill and ted excellent adventure,a very brady sequel adventure,transformers the movie,anger management,not another teen movie, karate kid 1,2, rocky III, rocky balboa, home alone 1 and 2, problem child 1 and 2,chucky, nightmare on elm street (all of them),searching for bobby fischer,ferris buellers day off,the crow, ghostbusters,E.T., star wars(all of them), star trek(all movies) the lost boys,goonies,the outsiders,back to the future(1 and 2),a very brady sequel.last of the Mohicans,lord of the flies,stand by me,Goodwill hunting,searching for bobby fischer, Indiana jones,little nicky,Brewster millions,billy Madison,enter the dragon,dodgeball,hitch,therock,ratatouille and gremlins( all 3 movies).
Favorite childhood shows and current favorites; kung fu,sledgehammer,bewitched,zoobilee zoo,gomer pyle,adventures of pete and pete,saved by the bell,the transformers,king of queens, the honeymooners,Seinfeld,the Bernie mac show smurfs,transformers,gi joe,get along gang,pacman, the shirt-tales, force five, Mindfreaks,starblazers,voltron,beavis and butthead, Webster, punky Brewster,different strokes, all in the family, baby looney tunes, batman:animated adventures, teenwolf,snorks,doug,rugrats,spongebob,malcom in the middle,smallville, Garfield and friends,rugrats,supernatural,everbody loves Raymond, Johny zero, last comic standing( seasons 2 and 3),the littles,Alvin and the chipmunks, heathcliff,wait till your father gets home, mr.belvidere,home improvement,dennis the menace,little archie, yogibear,flinstones,aqua hunger teen force, reno911,chappelle show, you cant do that on television, heman and the masters of the universe,gobots,ducktales,silver spoons, chip and dale, the Charlie brown show,alf, fat albert,the munsters,leave it to beaver, spiderman and his amazing friends,bewitched,teenage mutant ninja turtles, Kirby, dragonball z, battle of the planets,muppet babies, the muppets,Richie rich, angel,buffy the vampire slayer,stargate, family ties,wonder years,the highlander,airwolf,hey Arnold,knightrider,family guy,facts of life,happy days,Baywatch, parker lewis cant lose,brady bunch, life goes on,tour of duty,thundercats,alice,golden girls,Sanford and son,happy days,one day at time,facts of life,the fall guy,welcome back kotter, threes company,perfect strangers,mask,ghostbuster,growing pains,I love lucy,whos the boss,small wonder,Kirby,dragonball z,avatar,alf,quantum leap,Laverne and Shirley,simpsons,I think I should stop now cause ive got like a 100 more shows lol.
Favorite board games: operation,life, battleship,chess,chutes and ladders,hungry hungry hippo, mouse trap and of course chess!!!.
Favorite music bands: skid row( 18 and life), def leppard, toto,motley crue,poison,guns and roses,bon jovi,warrant, van halen, Madonna, new kids on the block(just joking )whitesnake,nirvana, Duran Duran,pink floyd.
Best song: ordinary world(duran duran),Africa(toto). House of fire(Alice Cooper)
Best tv show theme song: welcome back kotter, adventures of pete and pete,dukes of hazard.
Favorite gum: bazooka joe grape, great tasting gum, comes with a a comic and tells your fortune ,what can ask more from a gum. lol
Favorite movie and tv characters: Bruce lee,master,Quinn Mallory,Po,Gizmo,gonzo,slimer(ghostbusters)fozzie bear,gargamel,archie bunker, boom boom Washington,juan Epstein,alf, AC slater,ferris bueller, zach morris,angel,spongebob,Charlie brown,Duncan mcleod brainysmurf,spiderman,macgyver,Donald duck,Winnie the pooh,tigger,jughead jones, sam and dean Winchester(supernatural) lex luthor(smallville), green arrow ,Michael knight(smallville),jeff spicolli,batman, randall (clerks)kara(smallville),destro,cobra commander, white shadow,major blood,pete and pete,endless mike,batman,roscoe Coltrane,orko,daisy dukes.
Favorite romantic things to do: I know this gonna sound lame, but I think cuddling up with someone on a couch with a cup of hot chocolate , watching a movie or Saturday cartoons together is romantic, otherwise nothing beats a walk on the beach followed with a picnic,or a hot air ballon ride. Oh yeah this might not be so romantic but it would be cool to go to a magic workshop with someone and learn to to do magic together. You know practice with each other.
All time favorite video games: animal crossing( this game totally cracks me up :)
Mike tysons punch out,Zelda,castlevania, super mario3, tecmo bowl,san andreas,tekken 5,Grand theft auto 4.
By the way does anyone remember lasertag and photon?
Also does anyone remember collecting garbagepail kids?
Also does anyone remember teddy ruxpin?
Hey anyone have or had the smurfs pvc’s?( the little plastic smurfs) I remember playing with them and along with the transformers,gi joe,he-man toys , they rocked!!!!!!!!!
Slinkys also kick ass!!!
Smurfs or snorks?
Vinny Barbarino or Fonzie?
Bo Duke or Luke Duke?
Kitt or General Lee?
Anyone ever solve Rubicks cube?.... I know obviously theres a trick to it … the only trick I know is peeling off the stickers and placing them back on..lol!
Who do you think got higher SAT scores Samuel “Screech” Powers or Steve Urkel?
Anyone besides me wants to see NBC bring back Alf?... I have all the seasons on dvd and I tell you he’s one frickin funny dude?
I suppose for this to work I'm going to have to write something about myself, so - I'm 33 years old. Around 5'9", short Black hair, Brown eyes, and around 180 lbs. Currently single, no kids, and never been married. I'd like to meet a woman between the ages of 26 to 40 (give or take a year or two), and no preference in the color of your skin or how you look. I've always been more into personality then anything else.
Feel free to ask me more when/if you reply. I don't get on-line too much, so it might take me a day or two to get back to you.
I really don't care about race or your particular religion or where you are from. I'm more interested in your actual personality than what you look like. Honestly, I am ready to give everyone a chance.
The following are some things i would like in someone.... Someone energetic, bubbly and caring. Also, it would be nice if you aren't a smoker, however..., if you are as long as you aren't a chain smoker.
The reason why I'm telling you I'm wealthy is that I'll rather have you know now than find out later on. The fact that you know will help you decide if you want to get to know me better, or not.
Because I am wealthy doesn't mean I will blow all my money on you I know this may seem a little harsh but I want someone who wants to get to know me, and not just my money) - anyway, it is still too early to know what the future will hold.
Sorry I don't have a picture on here, I value my privacy, and will do the same for you.
I am 5 11, I have brown hair and blue eyes. I workout as much as I can.
- Not interest if you are only after the $$$ or into escorting
- Not interest if you were not born a woman
- Disregard if you do drugs
- Stay away if you are a liar or a player. Must be willing to be exclusive
- Forget it if you are dishonest.
- Not thanks if you cannot write more than one sentence when replying
- Please attach a couple of nice photos. No photos no reply
- Disregard if you are manipulative or a habitual men user
- Must have sweet personality for reals, not for show.
- Must SINGLE and romantically available
- Serious people take communications seriously. Must answer your phone and take my calls with regard.
- Must have grateful attitude, for I will be taking very good care of U.
A little about me. I'm a 45 year old atheist. 6'1, 225 lbs, with brown/grey
hair and hazel eyes. I have many interests, but I would like to find someone who also enjoys some of these pleasures: humor, comedy music, reading, learning and my cats. Road trips, yard sales, flea markets, concerts, nature trails and sci-fi/fan conventions also.
If this has piqued your interest, I hope to hear from you.
Thank you for taking time to read this.
Have a lovely day.
Please reply with a picture and a message with substance.
I am a 22 year old college student/IT Guy/Mechanic. I enjoy learning and taking things apart to know how they work. I love cats and have 4 of them, I hope to have children someday, not many but I love kids.
If you want a guy who will stick by you, respect you, make you laugh, hold you close, then you may want to say Hi to me. I don't ask much, just an honest and loving partner and companion.
I would love to find someone that can be honest, Loving but not all up in my space, Someone who will be thereself and not be fake and if your a chaeter move on, Been down that road and not turning back, And not to sound mean but a am not into real heavy woman, Not daying there is anything wrong with them just not my cup of tea, There has to be some chemistry here, I got a pic and you must also....Hey we all are here for a reason so let's start talking and see where it leads, You never know whats out there until you search, We all one day will find are perfect match....Good Luck and can't wait to hear from you
MARC IS……..
- A true Hardcore punk. He spends all of his time at concerts and riding on his longboard ( which is a gnarly skateboard…. Apparently people ride them in the Keys where he is from)
- Straightedge, but he IS NOT PREACHY ABOUT IT. He doesn’t drink, smoke, do drugs, and he is not promiscuous. He doesn’t mind if his girl does any of these things, but realize that he doesn’t do these things and doesn’t want to.
- A full time security worker, has his own truck, and he has his own bedroom in a two bedroom duplex. Im his only roommate, so trust me, the two of you will have privacy!!!!
- Among other things, he is very into vintage zombie films, riding his BMX bike, reading any book by Chuck Palahnuik, and is in the process of writing his own book.
BAD QUALITIES
- He is an OCD neatfreak. Girls, if you are messy, he WILL pick up after you, whether you want him to or not.
- He does not eat vegetables ( which is semi-irritating to me )… at all. In the entire time I have known him, I think ive seen him eat vegetables twice.
- He snores. Not extremely loud, but loud enough to get on your nerves.
GOOD QUALITIES
- He knows how to treat women. He will never intentionally hurt you with words, and he is a genuinely nice person.
- He is very good looking. 165 lbs, 5’9, semi-muscular, hazel eyes, lip ring, and very fit.
- He is willing to try anything once, from food to skydiving.
- He has an awesome record collection, lol.
WHAT HE WANTS IN A GIRL ( from what he’s said to me before)
- His ideal in looks is a petite girl, light skin, dark hair, and very Victorian goth, HOWEVER, this is his ideal, not a requirement. He is attracted to unique girls who are not afraid to be themselves.
- Personality wise, he wants an adventurous, spontaneous girl who has interests similar to his. Again, liking exactly what he likes is not a requirement, but its always good to like the some of the same things.
- Please BE CLEAN. No std’s, good hygiene is a must. Nobody likes smelly, greasy hair or body odor….. ew.
Im a divorced 42 year old professional white guy. I dont have any children but I do have a dog and cat. I dont smoke but I do have an occasional drink...not much though.
Im 6'1 and I weigh 240lb. I work out at least 4-5 times a week and and have been doing so for about 3 months now. I hired a personal trainer to help me get myself back in good health. I look at a lot of things different now that I am divorced and single. I think about life and health so much more now...guess it comes with age...lol kinda. My goal, I use to run 30-40 miles a week for fun. I'm gonna do it again! Would love a running mate!!
I am a very finacially stable person and would like to find the same. I am very secure in my 16 year job. I own a home with some acerage in NW Georgia.
I love to be outside. Sorry, but I dont go to bars really. Not to say I wouldnt go some, but Im over that really...had my day. I like yard work, playing with my animals, cooking amd fast european sports cars...a bad habit I have. Movies, dinner, plays, shopping is all cool with me.
I've been told Im a cute guy. I want a gal that is attractive and is sure of herself. I like a gal that can dress casual or dress up.